beyond hilarious.

		I will marry Stefani.
		After a wild honeymoon, We will settle down in Chicago in our fabulous House.
		We will have 7 kid(s) together.
		Our family will zoom around in a blue Honda Civic Hybrid.
		I will spend my days as a stripper, and live happily ever after.

Bittersweet

i'm trying to find the best way
to tell you how much it hurts
and never say a thing
you've always been the best and the worst for me
if you looked behind you you'd see me
i'm waiting, and i always will

on the outside nothing has changed
we're the same as we always were
but on the inside i am not who i was yesterday
and i'm dying to know if you've changed too

i'm not afraid to be me
around anyone but you
do you hate that too
i'll never see you the way you want me to
but niether will you see me
i'm waiting, even though i shouldn't be

i will never be too far
but never as close
as i'll wish i was
open your arms and i'll be there to fall
i'd love to catch you if you slip
i'm waiting, and i'll never stop

NEED

i can feel you
deep inside my brain
you're driving me insane
it's just me here by myself
but in my head you're with me here
i haven't told you a single thing
and you're so good at oblivious
we're together and apart
i can reach out and touch you
but i can't feel you touching me
i can look at you
but i can't see you
you reach out and for a moment i believe
i should have known it wasn't for me
i can't help but be optimistic
it's out of character and it's fatal
you will be the death of all my dreams
i just want you to need me

i don't just want to be a footnote in someone elses happiness

i met Tom. Stef's boyfriend. and i still can't hate him.

i'm having more and more dreams about her. i feel ashamed and i shouldn't, maybe. but i do. she's my best friend, and she's happy, and i'm being selfish. idk, maybe i just want to hang out with her more. like if she'd include me more. why can't i come with her when she goes to Tom's like Megan does. She fucking introduced me as her best friend, and yet he's just meeting me after dating her for over a week. or at least that's how long i think she's been dating him. i was never officially told. i sort of assumed slash it was implied. what the fuck ever.

i need someone. i want someone to hold me and kiss me and watch movies with me and be there for me. i know i'm not pretty or sweet like Stefani but i deserve to be loved too right? other people have it. Michelle and Richard have it for fuck sake. just. god dammit.

Pete says it best. "i don't just want to be a footnote in someone elses happiness"