needs a chorus...

it's a shame that you're to busy to see
that i'm about to loose my patience with you
you never have time to listen to me
i was wondering is there anything that i can do
to make you wanna make me happy

the radio just keeps playing those love songs
they're stuck in my head and i'm through
through with dreaming of me and you
now i know that it could never come true
it's enough to make a saint swear

i've always wanted to be one of those girls
that all the bands write those songs about
the ones who drink coffee at midnight
and takes care of all the stray cats in town
but i'm not crazy enough for you or them

will you remember me when i get back
or will you forget me and move on
i'll miss you lots but i'd never admit it
so when you read this just forget it
but don't let my memory slip away

overly complicated

i'm really good at burning bridges
holding grudges most of all
i've burned more bridges than i've kept intact
never realised that could be a problem
till i noticed i was all alone

i contradict myself everytime i open my mouth
can't make up my mind to be antisocial
or butterfly of the year, it's what i'm good at
can't sleep unless i'm angry
can't smile unless i'm sad
i only laugh when i'm pissed off
nobody'd know i was suicidal
till the obituary was writ

i'm that 10,000 piece puzzle
Aunt Edna gave you for your birthday
that never leaves the shelf
not even worth the trouble
of finding all the edge peices

give me a hug and i'll give you a kick
then turn around and sit on your lap
i can't sleep when i'm alone
but i don't want you to touch me
and still i wanna hold your hand

not ok with that

i hate the way i feel but i'm not sorry
i'm empty and i'm just not ok with that
i've waited way to long for you
and i should move on without you
but i just can't seem to leave you behind
cause i need you like i need oxygen
but just like it doesn't need me
neither do you and somehow that's not fine
i'd like it if you'd explain it all to me
cause you're so bi-polar it hurts
and i'm just not ok with that

hit the snooze and come back to me

i can't explain the feeling that i'm feeling
it's deep inside and crawling outwards
gnawing on my heartstrings and tugging on my insides
you're giving her that look and i just wish you'd look at me like that
i'd give anything yeah anything at all if you would just
hold me close and whisper in my ear,
run your fingers through my hair and kiss the scars on both my wrists
but you'd never see me that way, the way you see her
the way she doesn't deserve to be loved
even though she's just too perfect,
pretty eyes and smiling lips with silky hair and snow white skin
she's storybook perfect on the outside
and reality fucked on the inside
she's everything you want and i am not
cause i'm not so pretty on the outside
and i'm just a little to fucked on the inside
is there anyone out there who'll take me as i am

you know what i hate?

stef and i "got married" on December 21st

and yet she's always joking around about being married to other people which i'm fine with except when i say "hey, you married me first" she always finds some way to blow it off, like when we "got married" it didn't even mean anything.

and i know it's not for real or whatever, we were just plying around but, it still means a lot to me. it hurts when she makes it seem like nothing. it's like she's telling me our friendship doesn't mean anything to her.

Please wake up and smile at me

i saw you on the street
you looked like an angel
but you've fallen again
and your wings are tattered
your halo is bent and tarnished
you're not as perfect as you think
but you're better than I'll ever be

turn your nose up at me
let me know i'm not good enough
but i already knew that didn't i
you'll say that everythings fine
when is it ever fine these days