Washington

i wanna move somewhere
where it rains all the time
live in the atmosphere
of the emotions i'm
putting up with day to day
lets all go to Washington
cause it rains all the time

the rain will wash away
the tears that i am crying
hide all the tell tale signs
so you don't worry about me
cause i'm just fine

hey do you remember
that book with all the vampires
it always rained where they were
i wanna dance under the rain
look up at cloudy skies
let's move to Washington
cause it rains all the time

the rain will wash away
the tears that i am crying
hide all the tell tale signs
so you don't worry about me
cause i'm just fine

let's go to that restaurant
the one that looks like a ufo
eat food that we don't like
watch the rain hit the glass
from way way up high
i wanna move to Washington
cause it rains all the time

the rain will wash away
the tears that i am crying
hide all the tell tale signs
so you don't worry about me
cause i'm just fine

we'll listen to Purple Rain
and watch the movie too
cause I Would Die 4 U
but not for Gary Allen
maybe for Sting instead
can we move to Washington
cause it rains all the time

(from Desert Rose)
I dream of rain
I dream of gardens in the desert sand
I wake in vain
I dream of love as time runs through my hand

Smile

why don't i smile at you while i still feel like it
before the tears set in and i loose the motivation
i hope you appreciate the time i spend
faking smiles in your direction
they're all for your benefit you know
i smile because i love you best
you're the only reason that i smile at all anymore
sad that you just don't seem to notice
i'm grinning till my cheeks are sore
smiling till my lips just wont stretch that way again
maybe someday i'll take a vow
to never smile for you or anyone else
we'll see if you notice and give me a reason to smile again

fucking asshole cunt.

Mike cheated on Stefani.

He snuck out, got drunk, and made out with Chloe and Cheyenne.

and now he's mad because apparently Stefani was holding him back from being with Cheyenne.

he's the one who asked her out not the other way around. he held himself back.

he's being a total asshole and Stefani's just letting him screw her over.

if he shows up to her open house blood will flow.

sorry

i'm sorry i'm not pretty enough,
skinny enough,
smart enough,
tall enough,
funny enough,
happy enough,
delicate enough,
graceful enough,
innocent enough,
beautiful enough for you to love me back.

stupid fucking asshole!!!

Stefani's dating Mike a-fucking-gain.

FUCK

you know people kept telling me they were gonna get back together but i thought Stefani might prove them wrong you know? Cause he was so clingy and she got so sick of him why would she go out with him again? but apparently i was the one that was proved wrong.

he's such a fucking asshole.

he's shallow and inconsiderate and has absolutely no tact, no sense of public decency. he throws other girls emotions around like they're straw and expects stefani to be ok with him talking about liking other girls. because it's ok to like them as long as he doesn't want in their pants. and apparently you can't date someone unless you want in their pants. What happened to dating someone just cause you liked them, not just cause you wanted to nail them.

what the fuck.

but of course i'm not mad at Stefani. like that's even possible.


also:

i'm to lazy to remember to write down everything i eat. i'm going to try and start doing it again but last week as so hectic i was barely on the computer at all.

i graduated.

i have serious issues.

food intake

1)cereal/dried fruit

2)french fries

3)peanut butter sandwich

4)chips

5)toast and jelly

6)chik'n pattie

Food intake

1)Stir-fry vegetables and tofu

2)toast and jelly

3)pretzels

Yeah… obviously I forgot today was supposed to be a fast day… but at least I didn't eat very much yes?

dreams and punk rock princesses

i had a dream about Stefani last night.

it was really sweet and exactly the way i wish we were.

she kept snuggling up to me and putting her head on my shoulder and stuff, which would never happen because she jsut doesn't do that kind of stuff, but, w/e it was nice while it lasted.

weight

Previous weight = 188

Current weight = 187

Switching fast and weight days

I've decided to switch fast days to Sundays and weight days to Saturdays. We'll see if this works.

food intake

1)breakfast bar

2)blueberry bagel with peanut butter

3)tortilla with refried beans, stir-fry vegetables, chick peas and chik'n

food intake

1)tortilla with refried beans, lettuce, and chik'n

2)potato chips

3)pretzels

4)cinnabunnies

5)peanut butter and jelly sandwich

6)apple

chorus romance says goodnight

in July i'm going to Chicago to do a summer program at the college i want to go to.

i told stefani and at first she seemed like she cared but idk, it's almost like it doesn't bother her at all that i'm going to be in another state for a month. if she was the one that told me that she was leaving i'd be upset, i'd tell her how much i'm going to miss her, i'd make plans to go see her. but she... she just blew it off kinda.

and today during rake day she abandoned me to hang out with Mike, well sorta, at first she was alone, and then she was with Mike. i hate him so much, i feel like he's taking her from me. again. if she would just show that she cared once maybe i wouldn't be so insecure but she always seems so indifferant and that kills me.

do i talk about myself too much? i complain about Michelle doing it all the time but what if i do it too? i don't want to sound like a hypocrite... i'm going to try not to talk as much from now on. it'll be good for me, i need to be less obnoxious, more withdrawn. being an introvert never hurt anyone.

food intake

1)tortilla with refried beans, lettuce, and chick peas

2)potato chips

3)pretzels

4)tortilla with refried beans, lettuce, and chik'n

no walk

no bike ride

no throwing up

food intake

1)tater tots

2)french fries

3)tortilla and refried beans

4)pineapple

5)tortilla and strawberry jelly

no walk

no bike ride

no throwing up